Don’t leave your common sense at home


Currently, most of Europe and North America are baby proofed. Some health and safety regulations would make Darwin shake his head with a bemused smile. E.g.: If one goes to a hotel in the United States, the shower cap clearly explains that it “FITS ONE HEAD”. Or if one buys an iron, the box will say “WARNING! DO NOT IRON CLOTHES WHILE WEARING THEM!


So while Andre and I were sitting in a café in Quito on my last day before flying to Dallas, we discussed the fact that most people would deem Ecuador dangerous, simply because it’s not baby proofed. We both agreed however that this is exactly why it is so beautiful and exciting. One must make judgement calls like, “will that rope take my weight?” or “should I dive into the lake from that bolder or could I hit a rock below and die?” 

So for those who might have troubles with making these decisions, we came up with 33 rules that these people might find useful during their trip to Ecuador, South America, or generally most places in the world.

  1. Avoid street magicians.
  2. If two people are fighting, don’t get involved.
  3. Don’t wear a fanny pack.
  4. Don’t buy things with 100$ bills. – They might not have change, plus you just flashed a lot of cash.
  5. Follow your instincts. – If there’s a sketchy guy coming toward you, cross the road.
  6. Don’t use handbags. – Slap a strap on that motherf***er and throw in over your shoulder.
  7. Don’t eat it if you can’t identify it. – And don’t ask what it is, because it’s gonna be chicken.
  8. When you ask for directions and the guy says “it’s that way,” it’s not always that way. (They will help even if they can’t. Ecuadorians are very, nice and helpful!)
  9. When you are having coffee, don’t leave your phone sitting on the table.
  10. Street food tastes amazing, but it doesn’t come without risks.
  11. If the price is not posted, it’s negotiable.
  12. Take a local with you when shopping on the street, because they will get the real price. (Gringo Tax!)
  13. Ask a policeman to take the photo of you and your best friend in front of that church.
  14. Drinking alcohol at high altitudes will get you drunk more easily!
  15. If the guy selling things on the street feels the need to tell you that they are original, they are most probably not. (e.g. Prada, Ray-Ban, Samsung)
  16. Don’t text and walk!
  17. If you see riot police, don’t walk over and ask what is going on. – MOVE!
  18. If you think you are being followed, stop, look around (do the confused tourist thing), then point toward where you came from and start walking that way. (Don’t take your phone out to use it as a map!)
  19. If you are from the US and traveling abroad, DON’T wear a US-flag T-shirt.
  20. Don’t assume locals don’t speak English. – Even if they claim not to!
  21. If a restaurant says they are out of something, and then the waiter return claiming “they found some”, ask for something else.
  22. Dress appropriately according to the culture. – Or not, and risk having the entire town think that you are gay because of your pink tie and purple pants.
  23. Your camouflage shorts can stay at home.
  24. If you are on a hiking trail and there is a huge drop next to you, don’t lean out and take a selfie.
  25. Try local medicines. Sometimes they work better than the western stuff.
  26. Don’t preface sentences with “in my country”. (I’ve made this mistake too many times before realizing it.)
  27.  Just because the pharmacist will sell you two different medicines at the same time doesn’t mean that he/she knows that those two are not compatible.
  28. Don’t urinate or spit in public.
  29. Avoid making blasphemous comments (which you may think is “just your opinion”).
  30. Excessive application of makeup might be offensive or may attract too much attention to you.
  31. Write down your local embassy’s (or consulate’s) phone number and stick it into your wallet. You never know when you might need it.
  32. Make sure you understand the local tipping culture. 
  33.  And finally, that dead snake, might not be dead. (Also, some snakes can still bite and kill you after having been dead up to 36-38 hours.)

I have made many of these mistakes and have suffered the consequences. Also, I would like to take the opportunity to apologize to anybody I may have enraged or offended by not knowing these rules or others while I was in Ecuador.
Guys, stay safe and you will have lots of fun in Ecuador!

A.D.

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